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AmsoilSponsor
DakotaEnthusiast
 
7/08/2003
15:07:27
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 Subject: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
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Message:
I know this should be "Off Topic" but I wanted all to see:
Oil Change Instructions for Men and Women
You will love this....
Oil Change instructions for Women:
1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles
since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee.
3) 30 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
Total $21.00
***********************************************
Oil Change instructions for Men :
1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil,
filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2) Stop by 7 - 11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.
3) Open a beer and drink it.
4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
7) Place drain pan under engine.
8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9) Give up and use crescent wrench.
10) Unscrew drain plug.
11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on face and arms in
process. Cuss.
12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty
litter on spilled oil.
13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter
and twist off.
16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere
from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid
environmental penalties. Drink a beer.
17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change
tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener work.
18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change". Drag pan full
of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard
instead of taking it to recycle.
19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
20) Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
21) Walk to 7 - 11; buy beer.
22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket
surface.
23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
24) Remember drain plug from step 11.
25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard along with
drain plug.
27) Drink beer
28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily patch of
ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawn mower gas.
29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty
litter on oil spill.
30) Drink beer.
31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug
and bang knuckles on frame.
32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.
33) Begin cussing fit.
34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.
35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss August (2002)
in the left boob.
36. Beer.
37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38) Beer.
39) Beer
40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41) Beer.
42) Lower car from jack stands.
43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.
44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps
23-43.
45) Beer.
46) Test drive car.
47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
48) Car gets impounded.
49) Call loving wife, make bail.
50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
Parts $50.00
DUI $2500.00
Impound fee $75.00
Bail $1500.00
Beer $40.00
Total -- $4615.00
But at least you know the job was done right!
Steven Roark , Amsoil Dealer , Proud Sponsor of www.DodgeDakotas.com
AMSOIL Synthetic Motor Oils, Lubricants, Filtration, and Truck Care Products
|
Black SXT
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/08/2003
16:02:25
|  RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
IP: Logged
Message:
LOL Now thats sounds like my kind of luck. last oil change ,I forgot to pull the old seal off the old filter , just slapped the new one on . fired it up and watched the oil come flowing out onto the drive way.
|
ttt
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/08/2003
17:17:10
| RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
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Message:
really funny, except i use coupons for places that have 14.75 oil changes plus tax and fees is about 18 bucks. oh yea black sxt u SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A V8!bastard
|
Black SXT
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/08/2003
20:06:47
| RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
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Message:
ttt Why it would be a waste of 2 cyls for what i need it for
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heh heh
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/10/2003
09:08:08
|  RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
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Message:
Black SXT,
With that philosophy, why not sell the two you don't need?
heh heh
Mr. 4-banger
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Dr. D
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/10/2003
18:04:43
|  RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
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Message:
Thanks for the laugh Steven !!
Dr. D
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kennyl
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/15/2003
05:57:07
| RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
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Message:
I almost avoided reading this. I first saw the headline and thought this was going to be some stupid post on how to remove drain plugs, etc.
Glad i stopped by it made me laugh and I printed the darn thing and put it on the wall next to the cashier in the mechanic department where we do oil changes and everyone gets a good laugh, men and women.
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Simon
Dodge Dakota
JOIN HERE
7/16/2003
06:58:19
| RE: Oil Change Instructions - Amsoil
IP: Logged
Message:
I let my sister change my oil.
Guess that says it all.
Now I know why.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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